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This year represents a full decade since the word “vanishing” hit the public consciousness. Initially, the notion that someone could abruptly cease all contact with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. Our innocence was charming. In the decade since, seeking a significant other has only become more perplexing – an commonly fruitless exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by social media jargon.

Zoomers, a generation who grew up during a loneliness crisis, a masculinity crisis, and a concerted attack on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex terrain than their millennial forerunners could ever fathom. And so their dating glossary has grown more elaborate and more bizarre, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” testing the limits of your sanity.

The following list is a comprehensive glossary to the phrases gen Z is using to navigate love, sex and the search of both. To channel one of the recent most viral memes, by the conclusion of this list you’ll long to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Authenticity – According to Zoomers, romance's gold standard is showing up as your real, raw self. Best wishes with that!

B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend loosely based on a test developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your partner’s reply is interested or disinterested. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while exuding mystery and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

C

Seat theory – This signifies choosing someone who aids you proactively. If you entered a room, they would fetch a seat for you to sit down.

Choremance – A date where two people bond while handling tasks, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke people in their 20s do budget-friendly romance in a inflation-era world.

Emotional spiral – Melting down when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can lose it over a crush or breakup, venting all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 1980s yuppie affluence, it refers to partners who choose against parenthood to focus on their own happiness. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of acting aloof: utilizing communication, honesty and openness.

The Letter F

Signals

• Warning signs – Personal traits signaling a prospective partner is not right. Examples include calling their exes crazy, subpar gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Green flags – These quirks validate your decision to date a partner. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, low screen time, having a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe specific, largely harmless quirks. Such as being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still carrying around a biro in their wallet, paying rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you find someone who’s just as obsessive about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who despises the same stuff or individuals that you do (nothing builds intimacy faster than having a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend is into.

Zombie-ing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a length of silence.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The rare partner who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Gooners – A primarily online subculture of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, purposefully postponing orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Heterofatalism – A mindset describing many women's increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An ideal championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and happily home-oriented, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own aside from satisfying her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Random and frequently trivial turnoffs that instantly kill any sense of attraction.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an incredibly sweet act.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this crucial in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, teachers or therapists.

K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the era of locking lips may be numbered since some Zoomers desire fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance realistic.

Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {